Discussion – How to deal with (ab)normal families?

Ok. I have a few questions regarding family rules, expectations and what-nots. Basically regarding the trying time of a teenager/adolescent.

SO … here are a few questions that I have:

  1. I understand that being an authoritarian parent could potentially lead the child to have a lack of self-esteem, finding it hard to break away from the family, and staying emotionally dependent on their parents indefinitely. HOW should the adolescent deal with it if the parent (specifically mother) WANTS the child to be dependent on her for the rest of the child’s life saying things like ‘I’ll take care of her for the rest of her life’ even though the parent knows very well that (s)he has to go one day. Advice?
  2. How should the adolescent deal with parents who only know how to emotionally abuse/manipulate him/her? Ranging from things such as controlling his/her social circle to threatening his/her (the parent’s) own life if the adolescent does not heed to what the parent say?
  3. What should an adolescent do if his/her parents are bringing him/her into their conflicts constantly to be a mediator and the adolescent is getting very sick and tired of it?
  4. How should an adolescent deal with a pair of parents who are constantly at odds with each other and not keeping in touch with each other’s policy thus giving rise to conflicting ways of bringing up the adolescent and confusing him/her? And how would it affect the adolescent?
  5. Last question. If the adolescent feels he/she is being emotionally manipulated and abused by a parent, how can she seek help? Let us assume there’re no physical scars and the parent is glib-tongued, able to conveniently forget key things that the parent said/did to the teen that makes him/her very upset and emotionally unstable.

If there’re any people out there who could answer my questions I’d appreciate it.

If possible, TRY to keep trolling to a minimum. I’m helping a friend here. Unless you’re just a huge ass to which I wish hell rains down upon you.

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Life-changing decision part 4

“So? When did I ever chase your friends away?” 

“Let’s see…there’s my soccer buddies, there’s Norn, the guy I liked a lot…need more examples?”

“Norn? I didn’t chase him away! WHY would I? He’s a decent guy!” I fumed on the inside.

“Again, directly no. Indirectly, yes. You always showed your dislike for him; calling him up and intimidating him in every way possible!”

“I don’t do that! I -“

“Yes, you do! Every time I hang out with him, you do that! You even threatened suicide after finding out that I was with him. In school. STUDYING! AND NOW YOU BLOODY COME AND TELL ME ‘HE’S DECENT?!’ DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SCARED AND HURT I WAS?! 19 FULL YEARS OF MENTAL TORMENT!”

“Suicide? what suicide?” She gave me an oh-so-innocent look that made me want to shake the truth out of her. 

She’s smart. You have to give her that. She’s devilishly, deviously, smart. She never leaves any traces of herself which puts her at a disadvantage. That is what you get for working in a sales office environment for too long. 

A mother who plays politics with her family.

A mother who sees her own child as a pawn. 

Cool, huh?

“You know what? Forget it. I know you too well, living with you for my entire life. You would just dismiss everything again, like how you always do.” My anger ebbed away slightly, leaving me half-drained.

“Well? Speak! What did I do?” Acting dumb. Another trait of hers which nearly led to my own suicide. 

“YOU dropped me a text message, TELLING me to go collect your body at WindsFork station! Oh, I’m not done by the way. I still remember that night. The night where YOU came all the way down to public, gave me a good shelling and dragged me home. Did you have any idea how embarrassing that was? DO YOU?! HUH?! It was BAD ENOUGH that you did it in public, but you did it in front of my FRIENDS AND! THE GUY. I. LIKE! ARE YOU THAT INSENSITIVE?! OR ARE YOU SIMPLY OUT THERE TO TORMENT ME?!” I paused to catch my breath.

“NOW I get it. You want to beat the life out of me, torment me,so that I will be like a good little puppy who obeys her mistress’s every single command, eh? I know what you are trying to do.”

“You are pushing me away from him because you know HE will NOT stand up to you. Tell you off. Destroy your delusion. Prove you wrong AND follow you blindly.” By now, I swore I saw steam coming out from my ears.

“Mummy loves you. Mummy just wants the best for you, that’s all!” I gave my most sarcastic grin I could muster.

“Love? You expect me to believe your bullshit? All these years you drove away ALL my guy friends who got, in your opinion, too close to me. If you are a simple traditional mother, I COULD and I WOULD understand. BUT you did something that eliminates that option.”

I took a deep breath and trembled as heart-wrenching memories flooded my mind.

“You pushed me over to that son-of-a-bitch. And for what? Money.”

That concludes another chapter for this short series ‘Life-Changing Decision’. Tune in for the upcoming ones =D It’s ending soon =p

Chapter 3
Chapter 2
Chapter 1

A life-changing decision (Part I)

Admit it. We have all argued with our parents at least once in our lives, especially in our rebellious teenage years. The typical complaints would be ‘my parents are so naggy’, ‘my parents are so controlling’, ‘i hate my parents’ in varied forms.
More often that not, our parents are simply concerned for us. True, some may be over-protective or over-concerned but at least they protect their own children from harm.
Now, what happens if the child has a parent who treats her like an asset and the other parent cares on a very shallow level; who abuses her in such a way that she is unable to seek help because no one believes her. What then? What happens next?

Based on a true story, ‘A Life-changing Decision’ is told in a form of dialogue (a pretty short one) between a young female adult and her mother. So, read on and enjoy.

“Choose now. Him, or me.”

The tensed silence in the room was killing me. I faced my mother, both of us standing in a rigid stance opposite each other; our hazel coloured eyes glaring into each other’s.

 Just a few minutes ago, I was nearly killed in a car crash, thanks to my mother. Impulsively stepping on the accelerator, she threatened to crash both me and her.

That was how she found out about her latest relationship with a male she detests to the core. 

Then again, that’s how she finds out things, through psychological torture. Yeah, my own mother, using that kind of dirty tactic on me. How sweet. 

“Are you deaf? I said choose!”

The tension increased by ten folds. I could tell she was getting madder, but I no longer cared. After her attempted murder on me, I was too much of a wreck to care about her emotions any longer. 

“Him. I choose him.” That did it. That flipped her switch.

“SAY THAT AGAIN?!” she bellowed. If it were under different circumstances, I would have literally repeated ‘that again’. 

However, I’m no sadomasochist. I know a cornered animal that’s about to bite back when I see one.

So, I quietly repeated,

“I choose him, over you.”

“YOU DARE?! YOU UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTER?! YOU DARE CHOOSE A MAN WHOM YOU’VE BEEN DATING FOR JUST A FEW MONTHS OVER ME?! YOUR MOTHER?!”

Here we go again. The all famous tactic which she just LOVES to use – guilt treatment. Honestly, I’m getting sick and tired of it.

“I BROUGHT YOU UP FOR TWENTY YEARS! TWENTY YEARS!! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!” I remained silent.

“I gave you such a good life. I took care of you, I gave you everything you ever asked for, AND THIS IS HOW YOU SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION?!” More silence. I stared back at her without saying a word.

“WELL?! SAY SOMETHING! You unfilial, ungrateful -“

“No.” That caught her off-caught.

“What?” 

“No, you did not. You did NOT give me a good life. In fact, you gave me a life that was almost equal to that of Hell.” 

So what exactly did our protagonist suffer under her mother? Was it really as bad as she says? Or was it simply all her imagination? Stay tune to find out more.